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My freshman year in high school my
grade got three new students. One was a
girl and the other two were guys. The
girl was short with black hair and kind of cute in my opinion. One of the guys was tall, skinny, and had red
hair with freckles. He was quiet and
reserved while the other boy, who was a little bit taller than the girl, was
loud and made his presence known as soon as he walked into a room. He drew attention to himself not only with
his loud comments, but also with his attire.
He dressed in bright clothing that seemed a little too tight for him,
and was sometimes on the borderline of feminine in my opinion. He spoke with a slight lisp as well, and
because of all of these things I made the quick assumption that he was
gay. I never treated him any differently
because of this assumption, except for the fact that I would get slightly
awkward whenever we would all have to change for P.E., so the subject of his sexuality
never came into discussion. I just had
it in my mind that there was a difference between the two of us, he liked guys
and I liked girls.
One day in the locker room all of
the guys were talking about the new girl that had joined our grade. The girls had played volleyball in P.E. and as
we were walking in from outside they were still in their uniforms. Comment after comment got exchanged as
everyone threw in their input into how good the new girl looked in her
volleyball uniform. Not too long after
the conversation had started, a loud voice erupted amongst the rest. “SHE IS SOOOOOO FINE!!” the new kid who I had
assumed was gay belted out. When I
looked around the locker room I could tell by the surprised facial expressions
that I was not the only person who had made this assumption. I leaned over to the kid and whispered in his
ear, “You think she’s hot?” He nodded
rapidly grabbing my shoulders and shaking me, trying to get me to understand
his excitement. I burst into a fit of
laughter, thinking about how silly I had been this whole time with my
assumption. I dapped him up and kept why
I was laughing to myself. Everyone in
the locker room continued with the conversation and I learned a lesson that I
had been told a thousand times over, not to judge a book by its cover. I had otherized this kid simply because of
how he dressed, talked and acted. I had
assumed we were completely different just because we weren’t alike in every
way, and I was wrong.
I really like your tittle, very fitting play of the word when we do assume certain things. Just as your story exemplified, it is very easy, and even natural, to make an "other" out of someone based on our judgements. You pointed out at the end of your blog that you made your conclusions based on his dress, the way he spoke, and also the way he acted, but this made me curious. If we cannot trust what we ascertain about people through their actions and they way they speak, then how do we come to know people. Is it possible to get to know people and recognize their differences without "otherizing" them?
ReplyDeleteGreat blog post! I'm really glad you brought up the saying "Don't judge a book by its cover." I feel like that saying is basically what is happening when someone "otherizes" another. They are judging and, as you said, "assuming" something about someone they truly do not know. I guess I feel as though making assumptions is something that we really can't control sometimes. Things that are foreign to us, things that are different in others, are often times very obvious to us. The contrast created by differing characteristics, I feel, is something that sometimes we cannot help but notice. With all the books we've studied so far this semester, I feel like most of the protagonists are very close-minded and refuse to see the similarities between themselves and the self-declared "other". Only with an open mind can we build strong relationships with others and move forward together.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this post. I know of multiple situations like this where people assume that someone is gay when they may or may not be: it is never for us to really know. This post made me think back on all the books we read. Just like Deckard, Frankenstein, and the magistrate, you kind of "assumed" that this boy was something that is not. However, was there ever a time after this incident in the locker room where you felt that you have swerved back into your old opinions about him? Just like what Callie mentioned earlier, it seems like it is very difficult to know about a person without judging them on their personality or by the way he dressed. Was it easy for you to see him in a new light, or did you ever revert back to your old judgement?
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this article because it was really relatable. We have all characterized someone as gay or different in any sort of way just because they were not like me personally. Assuming someone is an other just because are characteristics are not the same. When i think back on situations i have done that even with age. I saw a girl at church today with a baby and the girl looked about 15 and i started thinking about how it must be hard. However she was around 28 but looked extremely young. I judged her because of how old i think she looks, not how old she actually is.
ReplyDeleteYou're title is really clever and is very fitting for your story. This type of thing happens to me often especially going to a school like Loyola. Our school is obviously quite different from a typical university and we are lucky to be so diverse. There are a lot of guys here who just by looking at them you cannot be too sure of what their sexual orientation even is, it could go either way. There are even some instances where you may think a guy is straight and he actually turns out to be gay. Do you think that thought is still "otherizing," thinking that someone is the "social norm" but they actually are not?
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your honesty, Clyde, which is probably why we all so eagerly responded to your post. Your post highlights the fact that we are all judging people constantly, though we like to pretend that we are not. These judgements occur every single day of our lives and many of them are so subtle that we barely notice them. We judge peoples' gender, race, sexual orientation, class, body type, intellectual ability, dress, and just about every category and characteristic that we can observe.
ReplyDeleteIt's only when our judgements are proved false, as in this case, that we actually stop and notice our stereotypes or judgements. This may be why it often feels like a relief when we are wrong about someone.